Asserting myself while dating

23 Apr

They live apart and have equally busy jobs and hectic social lives. The second you arrive home you burst into tears, curse yourself for not saying what you really thought and for paying for it. You blow up at the hairdresser, telling her it's frightful. Tell them about your needs and wants: say you feel you were not listened to and ask them what they can do to make you happier.

They need to be organised about spending time together, as well as seeing family and friends. Irate, you explain to Rachel this is not the first time she has sabotaged an evening spent away from her. Do not deviate; keep repeating: "No, I have other plans."Askwhat she would do if the roles were reversed. Reinforce an air of calm and be confident: rememberyou have the right to say no. Try to remember you are not going to leave 100percent satisfied but it is important to relay the impact of their actions on you. IT'S ABOUT LEARNING AND PRACTISING SKILLS' ROBERT, a 49-year-old social worker from Glasgow, has just completed the assertion module of the life skills course at Anniesland college.

I told you how I once believed going after what I wanted and needed was wrong.

And it was only when I realized that making yourself a priority is perfectly healthy that I became a liberated, fulfilled man. Understand that cannot your way into becoming an honest man.

Practise confronting the person beforehand with someone you trust or using "the empty chair" technique.

Try meeting the person informally to discuss the differences in yourworkloads.

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In my previous article, I shared with you my “selfishness epiphany”.

Be clear on your needs and wants: tell them you do not want to feel like this any longer and that they could help you achieve this.

You want to raise the issue but fear doing so could be difficult, create a bad atmosphere or possibly make the situation worse. While talking to them you list everything else they do and do not do and how hard you have to work because of their behaviour. First, remind yourself of the 10 rules of assertion.

This will give you greater confidence in tackling the issue.

WHEN you hear the word "assertive" what springs to mind?

Your boss, Tony Blair, conflict, raised voices, something to avoid?