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“It’s not only acceptable; it’s expected.” These new dynamics, however, are also creating new tensions, as women feel heightened financial stress, men come to grips (or not) with shared decision-making, and both spouses struggle to figure out a fair division of labor (financial and otherwise) at home.

Meanwhile, no matter how much the husband or wife earns, the survey found that money remains the top source of friction for couples overall, with spending a particularly contentious issue.

“I thought it would be nice not to have that responsibility,” she says. Instead, Jehan, 44, stayed single until two years ago; by then she’d built a successful career as a government attorney and had become accustomed to managing her own money.

After her marriage to Seth, 40, an advocate for a nonprofit who makes a good deal less than she does, Jehan continued to take the lead in managing money for the Alexandria, Va., couple—partly out of convenience, since Seth already had his hands full taking care of his disabled mother and sister, and partly because she didn’t want to cede control.

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How can you ensure that this conclusion doesn’t describe your relationship?When she graduated from college two decades ago, Jehan Chase had traditional expectations about money and marriage.She figured she’d soon fall in love, settle down, and, once she was wed, turn over managing the family’s finances to her husband.“I want to make sure my money is doing as much as it can.” Finding No.2: The spouse who earns more drives the financial style.